The Discovery
So I was at this benefit the other night and I noticed I was the biggest girl there. I don't mean biggest in the chronological sense, but in the weight sense. There were all these skinny women and handsome men. Okay, there were a few women that weren't exactly skinny and men who weren't all that handsome, but you get the picture. The benefit was held on the pool deck of a new condo complex and the weather was perfect. Cool breeze blowing, a Caribbean jazz band playing, drinks flowing, etc. It was a nice atmosphere.
Then I discovered something. I was invisible! I know. I couldn't believe it myself, but obviously I was. If someone bumped into me (and it happened more than once) it was not followed by the usual gesture of saying "pardon me" or "excuse me." The girls passing out the appetizers just passed me by -- except once when I flagged her down in a manner of speaking. And two people stepped right in front of me while I was in the wine/beer line -- uh, hello! I tell you I was invisible.
Taking it all in/figuring it out
I sat down with my glass of wine and decided to observe and people-watch. I also wanted to determine if something had happened to me that caused me to be unseen by those at the party. I mean, I was wearing black pants, sure. That could cause me to blend in. But my top of a bright red and white design should have stood out in a crowd. So I watched.
People walked by me going to and fro not even noticing me. I'm telling you I was not there! Then it occurred to me. What if they do see me and they are disgusted by the mere sight of me? I mean I am a pretty large woman, but I do my best to look nice every day. I realize that many people are very uncomfortable around those of us with larger girths. We look different, our clothes are different and a lot bigger, and quite frankly ... I think many normal-sized people afraid we're going to eat all the food! I think they say to themselves when they see me, "Watch out! There's a fat girl coming! Hide your plate!" Or maybe they think even worse thoughts like "lazy girl, wide load coming through", etc.
A note to the skinny girls
If you're a skinny girl, there are a few things we fat girls want you to know. We don't want your food! Oh, and we're not lazy either. Nope. Not at all. We get things done, earn degrees, hold leadership positions, run companies, and yes, even exercise and have sex, just like you skinny girls. The only difference is that we sometimes (okay, many times) have a problem with food and knowing when enough is enough or what foods are best for our us. Something in our brains doesn't quite fire right when we get around food. We lose control and we get so sick of food like salads and carrot sticks. Do we want to be this way? Absolutely not. Is it a daily battle? You bet it is. For many of us, food is our enemy. The enemy. And guess what.. unlike quitting smoking, drugs, or the bottle, we cannot live without food. We must have it to exist and it's everywhere. We celebrate with food at birthdays and weddings, we plan festivals around it, times to meet up with friends and family, you name it. We can't escape food and those who eat it.
The conclusion
As I walked around the party in my new, invisible state I was saddened to think that people can be so shallow, so stand-offish to be afraid of little ol' me. I'm just a fun, skinny girl trapped in a big body. And yes, I desperately want to change my body. But it won't happen over night. No change ever does.
So, the next time you're at a party and a fat girl walks in the room, why not talk to her? Acknowledge that she is there and don't avoid her like she's invisible. I bet she will probably have something interesting to say and you might just make a new friend. Remember... fat girls are people, too. And we're not invisible. We see you avoiding us.
So I was at this benefit the other night and I noticed I was the biggest girl there. I don't mean biggest in the chronological sense, but in the weight sense. There were all these skinny women and handsome men. Okay, there were a few women that weren't exactly skinny and men who weren't all that handsome, but you get the picture. The benefit was held on the pool deck of a new condo complex and the weather was perfect. Cool breeze blowing, a Caribbean jazz band playing, drinks flowing, etc. It was a nice atmosphere.
Then I discovered something. I was invisible! I know. I couldn't believe it myself, but obviously I was. If someone bumped into me (and it happened more than once) it was not followed by the usual gesture of saying "pardon me" or "excuse me." The girls passing out the appetizers just passed me by -- except once when I flagged her down in a manner of speaking. And two people stepped right in front of me while I was in the wine/beer line -- uh, hello! I tell you I was invisible.
Taking it all in/figuring it out
I sat down with my glass of wine and decided to observe and people-watch. I also wanted to determine if something had happened to me that caused me to be unseen by those at the party. I mean, I was wearing black pants, sure. That could cause me to blend in. But my top of a bright red and white design should have stood out in a crowd. So I watched.
People walked by me going to and fro not even noticing me. I'm telling you I was not there! Then it occurred to me. What if they do see me and they are disgusted by the mere sight of me? I mean I am a pretty large woman, but I do my best to look nice every day. I realize that many people are very uncomfortable around those of us with larger girths. We look different, our clothes are different and a lot bigger, and quite frankly ... I think many normal-sized people afraid we're going to eat all the food! I think they say to themselves when they see me, "Watch out! There's a fat girl coming! Hide your plate!" Or maybe they think even worse thoughts like "lazy girl, wide load coming through", etc.
A note to the skinny girls
If you're a skinny girl, there are a few things we fat girls want you to know. We don't want your food! Oh, and we're not lazy either. Nope. Not at all. We get things done, earn degrees, hold leadership positions, run companies, and yes, even exercise and have sex, just like you skinny girls. The only difference is that we sometimes (okay, many times) have a problem with food and knowing when enough is enough or what foods are best for our us. Something in our brains doesn't quite fire right when we get around food. We lose control and we get so sick of food like salads and carrot sticks. Do we want to be this way? Absolutely not. Is it a daily battle? You bet it is. For many of us, food is our enemy. The enemy. And guess what.. unlike quitting smoking, drugs, or the bottle, we cannot live without food. We must have it to exist and it's everywhere. We celebrate with food at birthdays and weddings, we plan festivals around it, times to meet up with friends and family, you name it. We can't escape food and those who eat it.
The conclusion
As I walked around the party in my new, invisible state I was saddened to think that people can be so shallow, so stand-offish to be afraid of little ol' me. I'm just a fun, skinny girl trapped in a big body. And yes, I desperately want to change my body. But it won't happen over night. No change ever does.
So, the next time you're at a party and a fat girl walks in the room, why not talk to her? Acknowledge that she is there and don't avoid her like she's invisible. I bet she will probably have something interesting to say and you might just make a new friend. Remember... fat girls are people, too. And we're not invisible. We see you avoiding us.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I have felt invisible in the past, but I no longer am because I did eventualy get there. I wish you a path of freedom from the ties of food and encourage your honesty.
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