I think Whitney Houston is trying to tell me something!

This week I've been struggling with eating healthily.  I just can't get into it for some reason.  I am going through the motions, but my heart's just not in it and I'm making some poor choices.  Now, I'm not panicking here and I'm certainly not giving up on my quest to lose weight and live a more healthy life.  I'm looking at it as a hiccup, a mere bump in the road.  


I haven't written for a while and that's because I wasn't quite sure what words I wanted to share with you right now.  In my usual pattern of life, of my very being, I found myself not wanting to let you down.  I had a voice in the back of my head telling me that you wouldn't want to read about a new struggle and that you would only want to read about the positive changes happening with me.  That's my people-pleasing self talking, and sometimes I just have to shut that girl up!  I enjoy writing, so tonight I decided to sit down and see what words would come to me - positive or not.  


Pandora Lends a Hand
I worked with a personal trainer a few years ago and he introduced me to Pandora, a free internet music service without commercials (check it out at (www.pandora.com).  I love listening to Pandora.  I love that I can put in the name of a song or artist and bada-bing, songs begin playing.  What's more, if a song pops up that I don't really care for, I can just click the thumbs down sign and Pandora moves on to the next song it thinks I might like.  I love music and find a lot of comfort in it -- kind of like I do with food -- and tonight I was looking for a bit of comfort and inspiration in music.  But who to listen to?  


Whitney Houston to the Rescue 

I have a long list of stations in my Pandora repertoire from Sting (my all-time fave) to Charles Trenet (wonderful French music) to Coldplay.  Tonight, a Whitney Houston song came to mind and I decided to create a station for her (because you can do that in Pandora).  The first song that played was How Will I Know, and I immediately thought about how that very title relates to my relationship with food.  How will I know when enough is enough?  When I'm truly full and satisfied?  You see, for someone who loves food and turns to it for reasons other than fuel and nutrition, it is often difficult to know when enough is enough.


Next up was So Emotional -- you remember how it goes, right?  I'll start it off for you.  I get so emotional, baby, every time I think of you....  Sometimes that's how I feel and then I think of and want food.  I'm a human being with a food addiction.  This is what happens.  I get emotional and I eat with my emotions and not my brain telling me to eat for fuel.  It's simply complicated, and if you struggle with emotional eating, you know what I'm talking about.


Then another Whitney song played.  A song that helps me remember why I made the decision to change my eating habits. Can you guess what it is?  It's a wonderful song about self-love that topped the charts when I was in college back in 19 something or other.  The title:  Greatest Love of All.  The chorus of this song says it all:

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows 
If I fail, if I succeed 
At least I live as I believe 
No matter what they take from me 
They can't take away my dignity 
Because the greatest love of all 
Is happening to me 
I found the greatest love of all 
Inside of me 
The greatest love of all 
Is easy to achieve 
Learning to love yourself 
It is the greatest love of all 

Is Whitney Houston trying to tell me something?  
Well she is not, of course, but tonight her songs are.  They have been placed in front of me for a reason.  The lyrics so strong and true; they speak to me.  I know most of her songs' lyrics are about romantic love, but tonight, they speak to me about my love of food and the budding love I have for myself.  The love that my sweet mother always wanted for me, but that I could never accept, that I could never quite see what all the fuss was about.  I thought somehow that to love myself would be a selfish act.  I just didn't get it.  As the lyrics above say, learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.  And I would like to add something to that, if I may.  Learning to forgive yourself for your mistakes, all the times you haven't treated yourself so well perhaps ... I think that may be the greatest gift of all.  Be kind to yourself.  Forgive yourself.  Love yourself.  


Thank you, Whitney Houston.  You did tell me something tonight.  Back into the saddle I go and with a self-hug, too.